jackson day one

day one

I'm so f'ing cold. Tommy lit up the lantern and I'm almost on top of it.

I cried a lot, not ashamed to admit it. I just always hoped it would not go like this, like maybe Tommy could just move in and we all get along and have pancakes with exta syrup like I like.

I suck at running away I guess. I got stupid stuff and now I'm just scrunched up shivering. Tommy got me a burrito so I'm munching it down so fast I haven't eaten in two days. I pull him close and under my sleepsack and f I have to ask now cuz I'm so f'ing horny.
He says okay trying to act confident and this is so f'ing clumsy but when we finally get it in it's nice, he's gentle and has to ask if it hurts but f it does not like I want him to stop cos every time he pushes it sends me over the moon.
I love him but how the f is this gonna work out cos what money we had/stole is a quarter gone just on fags and food and f what scares me the worst is I'm not so sure he really does love me, that this wasn't just a plan for escape, sure he'lll let me suck his dick or fuck me if I want but is it real?

He came in me and I wanted him to but now the trains overhead are creaking and throwing sparks down that scared me at first til I realized the fire was out well before it hit us but now I just want to take him to the shore and swim in the ocean and maybe then he will do more like love me for real. Else, it's gonna be a shit life and I should just end me now, I was a mistake anyways.

He won't see so I let myself cry a bit and stuff in headphones, White Stripes, f I just wish it had never even gone here somehow I thought while I was munching a taco with tons of fire sauce it wouldn't. Just wake up and mum would say you're boyfriend is here and all that shit. I miss my bed so much but Tommy was all I ever really had and all those nights I had to stick the extra pilow on top to keep the sadness out, they're gone. Tommy is asleep next to me and I've never felt so safe or so f'ing scared, f I love him and this isn't spose to go like this, cops looking for us and shit.

Train passes overhead, it's going some place I'm so f'ing scared we'll never get to see. To the sea, perhaps. my aunt lives there, Brighton, but then she's gonna call mum and f I just want to be free of them

F this world, I have the man I want right next to me, he stinks a bit but he's mine and I love him. If we can't have each other then f it, we'll just go in the ocean and not swim back.